In The Arms of An Angel

I have a terrible coping mechanism when it comes to LOSS. When my 1st love died, I didn't cry. It took me 3 years until it sank in that he will no longer be there for me. (Another story...)

My Father's sister, Auntie Nel died most recently. What did I do? I decided to watch GLEE. A series which everyone has been ranting that I should watch. The same way that when JP died, I decided to drink with friends and have FUN.

I am engulfed with sadness that it defy the pain my ulcers brought. I feel so sad knowing that the last time I saw her was 4th of July when Beamer set-up SKYPE so that my family in NJ will see me. I was touched that Beamer did it. He is trying his best to be close to my family in my absence.

And there she was, July 4th 2010, watching TFC while Beamer set up SKYPE. Then I spoke with Uncle Joe (her husband) and then she took time to talk to me (believe me, its a BIG Thing, my folks love TFC and its hard to part them with the boob tube!)and we spoke for awhile.

Life is strange. It seems like we were just talking awhile ago and all of a sudden, WHAM! She's no longer with us physically.

Auntie Nel, we may not be close but there was nothing you did to harm me. Normally, if someone dies, I dig deep if they have done me wrong at one point, and I dug deep but I could not find even a speck of wrongdoing you did to me. You did great!

Like Grandma, you are strong and I commend you for that. I feel emotionally attached to Grandma because I feel that she was a strong and courageous person just like my mother. Like you, I will be married to an American. I know you like Beamer and he is trying his best so that everyone will like him, and I know he achieved it! Because he is a true person with genuine intentions.

Thank you for taking care of my family in NJ. Thank you for loving us even if sometimes, it is hard to love me, I think I felt that you did.

Like me, we do not really show too much emotions to everyone. I feel that it is not necessary to show emotions as it is to be shown in the privacy of intimate moments. I feel that few people has the right to see me on my weak moments because I prided myself to be strong. I feel that few people are privileged (or lucky) to see me cry.

I am thankful that you are my Aunt. I am thankful to have known you and be a part of your life. And even if we did not see each other in US anymore, even if you will no longer be with us on our wedding, Beamer and I will remember you on that day.




The unseen mover of all have you now. I may be sad, but I know you are happy because now you are free on the arms of the angels.

I love you and my prayers goes to you. Give my Hugs and Kisses to Grandma and Grandpa!